4TheRcrd Mag.

Plastic surgery and cosmetic surgery have been around for centuries – but does going plastic really ensure you get into the best night clubs, bars…and pants?

The reasoning behind this booming fad…well, scientists haven’t quite been able to figure that one out yet, but recent studies have shown that the mindset of a silicone-enhanced person is entirely different from that of a plastic virgin. Though, not enough information has been recorded to make an assumption on why that is.

So how come people choose to go under the knife when they don’t necessarily have to? V-A-N-I-T-Y! One of the most commonly used six letter words to describe the behavior in humans mainly of the female persuasion. Vanity, which basically means the attribute of being excessively vain and conceited, could quite possibly be the answer that people have been looking for…if it wasn’t for the damned scientists who think the scientific method is the ‘God of All Answers’. Honestly…do they really think they’re going to get far by making hypotheses and performing arbitrary experimentations on us? I didn’t think so.

Why can’t scientists put the scientific method to good use by researching why people are willing to sign contracts stating that if there are any mishaps, they are not allowed to sue? On the whole, they’re putting their most likely already perfect body, and maybe even their life, into some random person’s hands – hands that are, in addition, holding very sharp objects. Now that’s reassuring. Even then, that’s actually not the first thing that could go wrong. You can still have complications before the surgery starts. Anesthesiologists…they can’t be trusted. One of the more common risks is having a reaction to the anesthetic – that can mean anything from an abnormal heart rhythm or nerve damage, to malignant hyperthermia, temporary paralysis, and even death. Scared yet? Well, you should be…the cold blade of the newly sharpened scalpel hasn’t even touched your skin!

So, times ticking as they start the clock, the knife goes in and BAM…you had failed to mention that you’re a hemophiliac and you are currently bleeding to death on the operating table. That’s what happens when a doctor forgets to ask the right questions. Let’s rewind though. Say you’re not a hemophiliac…the knife goes in and makes a perfect incision from the left side of your stomach, to the right side. All is well in the land of the operating room until the doctor accidentally cuts off too much skin and they can’t pull you together again.

Well good luck, because you’re basically screwed now. Have fun living life with a giant hole where your stomach used to be!

Breast augmentation is the most common type of plastic surgery. There are thousands of successfully performed jobs by doctors who have obtained the right skills, but when you were a baby, someone hung the horseshoe upside down over your crib and all the luck ran out of it…your doctor has now become one of malpractice. You ask him for a 290 cc implant to be inserted in your left boob and a 325 cc in your right boob because it was a little bit smaller than the left one. Too bad the doctor can’t read his own writing and accidentally switches the amounts. Now they look even worse.

Now tell me…after reading those very realistic scenarios, would you ever think to give plasticizing yourself a second thought? Well…if you just answered yes to the previous question, then let me tell you, I forgot to mention one more point – money. Yes, it is extremely expensive to receive these iffy procedures…but hey, you don’t see me stopping you if you got the cash. I wish you the best of luck with choosing the shape for your new butt implants!

You can’t say I didn’t warn you…

IMAGE CREDIT: here.